I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
