That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
