i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sorry about my life...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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