I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
