it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
