sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm too high and old for this...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
