i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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