In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
