five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
