I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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