READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
