Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
