I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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