Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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