Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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