Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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