Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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