When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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