I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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