thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
