I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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