He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
