the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize