we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
