I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
