omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
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