I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
