haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
