its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed