wakey wakey hands off snakey
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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