FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?