So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize