im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
