So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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