I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
