i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
