Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
