I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
