it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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