Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
