thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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