How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
