My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
