Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
