when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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