Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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