I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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