My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
