Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
