she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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