Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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