Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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