you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
