She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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