Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
