did you get engaged???
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
