She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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