I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
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He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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